I Want To Feel Safe

 

 

I want to feel safe,

It’s a place in which I thrive,

A space that I strive to feel 

As it allows me to peel away the bullshit.

 

Safety. 

A concept that’s never guaranteed.

 

One moment,

Granted,

And the next, 

Taken from me.

 

When taken,

It’s hard for me to expose myself,

Much easier to close and turn away from you.

 

But to close is to self-impose more torment.

 

Because contraction is like death;

An infraction of my reason for being here! 

 

I am here to love without conditions — 

The definition of the feminine heart….

 

Thus,

How to stay open when feeling unsafe 

Is at the base of my everyday exploration…

A question for every woman to navigate.

 

I look within and identify the pain…

 

Pathologies engrained,

Soft voice restrained,

Deep wants constrained…

…The patterns from my past.

 

No… 

…You are not my father.

And, you are not my mother.

 

But I can still smother you with my fears of abandonment…

 

You see,

The more I love you,

The more I am afraid you'll leave.

 

The ultimate paradox at play,

Which unfortunately will never go away.

 

 

So we work with it,

We make art out of it.

 

We see it,

Feel it,

Embrace it.

 

We love in it,

Fuck through it,

Grow because of it.

 

Yes…

…To love is to hurt is to love is to hurt.

 

And I accept this notion that wouldn’t even exist 

If it weren’t for your devotion to my aching heart.

 

Love,

The Feminine Heart

 

 

 

 

I spent my whole life searching for love outside of myself; it wasn't until I found it within me that he appeared.

"Love in The City: Tales from the Feminine Heart" is a column devoted to vulnerably conveying the words of my heart through the unfolding of the greatest love I've ever known.

 

 

Jessica Winterstern B.Sc., M.Ed., M.A., is an intimacy and relationship coach who helps women and men discover the love they've been yearning for all their lives. Learn more about Jessica at www.jessicawinterstern.com and follow her at@jessicawinterstern and @thefeminineheart