To All The Women Out There
Please forgive me.
For all those times I made you wrong.
When I blamed you…
When I shamed you…
When I envied you…
And disdained you.
Please forgive me for my fears.
My ugly projections…
A form of protection…
Surface level connections…
Because I was afraid.
I was afraid to let down these walls,
And bare my scars,
And own my wounds,
And allow the tears to fall…
…Fall before you.
Instead, I attacked you,
I harassed you,
I destroyed you (in my mind).
Please forgive for not loving you -
All stemming from not loving me.
A paradigm of lies -
Where girls are witches
And women are bitches.
They will take your men!
And they will tear you down!
With their endless games,
Inflicting so much pain!
Insidious minds -
Oh… you know the kind.
But let’s put on a show and be friends!
Let’s smile and pretend!
BFFs until the end!
And then rip each other’s throats apart -
A reflection of our wounded hearts.
Please forgive me for playing the victim.
A little girl who grew up meek,
The perfect target for bullies to seek,
With a limiting belief that I was weak.
Please forgive me for the generalizations I made.
For the fears I carried,
For the stories that stayed.
Cracks entrenched in my tender heart…
Trust any of them and the attacks will start.
But thoughts become things,
And I am no longer ten.
Girls are not mean,
And wounds do mend.
…If we let them…
…If we want them to…
Or maybe we like being the victim…
Us against them.
Maybe it give us comfort…
Avoiding the truth bubbling within.
The unknown is scarier.
Trusting is scarier.
Loving is scarier.
So let’s keep wallowing in our pain,
And making them the ones to blame…
It’s time take responsibility for all the lies that we’ve told.
And let go of the expired beliefs that are so fucking old.
To all the women in my life…
Thank you for reframing the way that I view women.
For standing tall in your strength.
For inspiring me in your courage.
For exposing your fears…
Sharing your tears,
Lending your ears,
And being my mirrors.
For holding me as I fall apart in your arms.
For loving me as I expose my scars.
For celebrating me as share my heart…
Each crack, each break, each tear…
A part -
- Of who I am.
I am you,
And you are me,
We are one,
Angels who grace this earth.
Who are here to change,
The way that we engage…
…With one another.
Teachers for each other.
Who shine fucking bright,
Who do not dim their light.
Who take responsibility.
And rest in their humility.
Who love without conditions.
Who give AND who receive.
Who do not over identify with their insecurities.
You choose you,
So that you can show up for me…
The most important lesson,
That I now finally see.
You are my greatest projections.
The most inspiring reflections.
My most authentic connections.
The Feminine Heart
I spent my whole life searching for love outside of myself; it wasn't until I found it within me that he appeared.
"Love in The City: Tales from the Feminine Heart" is a column devoted to vulnerably conveying the words of my heart through the unfolding of the greatest love I've ever known.
Jessica Winterstern B.Sc., M.Ed., M.A., is an intimacy and relationship coach who helps women and men discover the love they've been yearning for all their lives. Learn more about Jessica at www.jessicawinterstern.com and follow her at@jessicawinterstern and @thefeminineheart