To All The Men Out There

To all the men out there…

Please forgive me for all those times I made you wrong.

I was trying to be strong –

But I wasn’t.

 

I was scared

And confused…

 

Bruised by the stares, cat-calls, groping, and affairs.

 

Abused by the messages I internalized.

Subdued by the views I despised.

Screwed by the assholes in disguise.

 

Objectified.

 

Pretty and meek,

Loved for my physique,

Better not speak my mind.

 

I hated you for the hurt that was mine to feel –

But the truth is that I could not deal

With the painful rejection,

Unrequited connections,

Oppressive affection,

And unwelcomed erections.

 

And so I chose to blame…

And shame…

And look at every single one of you as the same…

 

Stay the fuck away from me! 

But don’t go too far…

Because you set the bar for my worth.

 

My value rested in how I was perceived

And the way in which I was received by men.

 

So I played a game and it went like this –

“Come here…. Go away…. Come here… Go away.”

 

I am more than just tits and ass,

More than some object on which to make a pass!

 

But if a pass wasn’t made,

I questioned my worth…

…Did I dissuade you in some unappealing way?

 

Please forgive me for this unconscious game –

From my continuous suspicion to my feeble submission.

 

For the position that I put you in:

Seeing you all as interchangeable pricks

Who only think and act with your uncontrollable — 

 

—No.

That is not true.

And this apology is way overdue…

 

 

Please forgive me for putting you all in the same box:

 

The cheaters

The beaters

The heartbreakers

And deceivers.

 

I’m sorry for every generalization,

Resulting in relentless accusations.

 

A lack of responsibility on my part,

An unwillingness to feel into my broken heart.

 

I carried that weight,

Which turned to a perspective of hate,

And a perpetual state of distrust.

 

Don’t trust men!

Any of them!

 

It was easier to blame you than me

Making all of masculinity the culprit.

 

I’m sorry.

 

Love,

The Feminine Heart

 

 

 

I spent my whole life searching for love outside of myself; it wasn't until I found it within me that he appeared.

"Love in The City: Tales from the Feminine Heart" is a column devoted to vulnerably conveying the words of my heart through the unfolding of the greatest love I've ever known.

 

 

Jessica Winterstern B.Sc., M.Ed., M.A., is an intimacy and relationship coach who helps women and men discover the love they've been yearning for all their lives. Learn more about Jessica at www.jessicawinterstern.com and follow her at@jessicawinterstern and @thefeminineheart