You Bathe In The Waters Of My Sorrow

 

 

My mom is dying. 

My heart is breaking.

…But you're not trying to fix it.

 

Fixing would imply that there is something wrong…

 

You are teaching me how to love what is — 

By loving me through my grim coming undone.

 

My own internal carnage, if you will.

(Or so it feels…)

 

Like massive bloodshed —

Shards falling fast...

 

Slabs of my heart 

Hit the pavement 

Hard.

 

And instead of trying to piece them back together,

You sit with me and weather this difficult storm.

 

You love me through the crimson mess

And hear me within the butchered wreck

You see me beyond the red tears wept

And hold me during the nights unslept.

 

You give me strength…

 

…To fall to my knees

and reflect on this disease

That’s taking my mom.

 

And you don’t pick me up…

You just hold the space,

Allowing me to embrace the pain 

Of her calamitous decay.

 

You honor me, 

As I let go of the shame I feel 

For not being able to save her. 

 

You worship me,

As I vehemently cry out 

Releasing some stifled bout 

Of serious despair. 

 

 

You don’t wipe my tears away…

 

You kiss them, 

Lick them, 

Extol them. 

 

You bathe in the waters of my sorrow,

Just as much as you inhale the nectar of my euphoria…

 

“I want all of you,” you say, 

As you inspire me to revere this journey of grief.

 

And so I give myself permission to feel it all,

And I bow to my own heartbreak,

With you as my conscious witness…

 

Love,

The Feminine Heart

 

 

 

 

I spent my whole life searching for love outside of myself; it wasn't until I found it within me that he appeared.

"Love in The City: Tales from the Feminine Heart" is a column devoted to vulnerably conveying the words of my heart through the unfolding of the greatest love I've ever known.

 

 

Jessica Winterstern B.Sc., M.Ed., M.A., is an intimacy and relationship coach who helps women and men discover the love they've been yearning for all their lives. Learn more about Jessica at www.jessicawinterstern.com and follow her at@jessicawinterstern and @thefeminineheart